A consequence that happens without parental interference, without plan or control is called a Natural Consequence!! Children have inborn capacity to learn from cause and effects of their behavioural experiences and there is no denying the fact that these experiences prepare them for future adulthood. Below real-life client narration shows how parents can make natural consequence effective.
"Every morning is a tussle in Maria’s home. It revolved around their son Hari who is 10-year-old. He wouldn’t get up on time for school. Maria would scream followed by husband’s screaming, and their son Hari would scream Back!! Sarcasm , blaming each other, and banging doors was usual every day. It left all of them really exhausted and took away “healthy family “time of complimenting and laughing with each other. Maria decided to try Natural Consequences approach. First, she chatted with her son and clarified her stance on this, which is:
“Not reaching school on time isn’t my problem, it’s yours. If you miss the bus, you’re the one who is making this choice. What are you going to do differently next time?”
“ I am here with you to support and help you with what it takes to reach bus on time. I can give you my opinions and you can choose what you like. Let me know what help you need as I am here for you.”
She asked him what support he needs to be able to wake up on time and got him two alarm clocks set at different times and agreed to support him by nudging him once 30 mins before bus time. She also set few boundaries, like if he miss bus, he will take the public transport and he will miss one evening TV time the consecutive weekend. Hari never missed the bus again!!! Home mornings became relaxed!! "
Research has shown that there are few situations where it works the best, which are getting in trouble at school when consequences are set by school such as detention, missing recess etc , responsibility for personal space and belonging when consequences are smelly room, couldn’t find anything at proper place, bad grades when being placed in lower set in class, not being able to get desired college, being impolite to people when consequence is not being invited to their homes, people being rude to you. It is seen few parents try to bail children out of these and few superimpose consequences from their side on top of these. To be noted is that this renders the effect of natural consequences ineffective!!
You can discuss and coach your children into Natural Consequences. Younger children can be helped more by talking to them in exploring their choices and while preteens and teens can make their choices independently!! This approach is very effecting in developing intrinsic motivation, problem-solving skills and resiliency as it is one of the best teachers’ children can have !!
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